O God, You are my God;
Early will I seek You; my soul thirsts for You;
My flesh longs for You in a dry and thirsty land
Where there is no water. Psalm 63:1
Truth is I’ve been struggling lately—to string a coherent thought together, let alone write something that would be an encouragement to you or anyone else.
And so I’ve been hesitant. Quiet.
Simply because I just didn’t have the words. Not words that made any sense—only jumbled ones, scattered and weepy, muddled and even jaded ones from a place of hurt, weariness, and confusion.
How could I ever send you those, friend?
How could those ever be used for God’s glory or used to encourage you in your own life? How could those assorted, miscellaneous, and mixed-up thoughts that have paraded around in my head—and even today continue to march offbeat—ever be of use to you?
Yet, here I am trusting Him to help me—still not knowing what to write. And so with a palpitating heart that’s overwhelmed and an overburdened brain, I’m trying to figure out how I can carefully unfold and then strategically refold my thoughts into a beautifully-wrapped package to present to you—with a pretty bow, of course.
What do I type as I sit on this sage-green couch in the tiniest of living rooms with the world’s most adorable Boston Terrier curled at my side, staring at a blinking cursor that just won’t quit?
Should I spend the rest of this post sharing about my middle-aged hormones—estrogen levels and whatever else?
Or tell you about those old skeletons that have jumped right out of their closets and stuck their bony fingers in my face these past weeks?
The state of restlessness my soul is finding it hard to escape from?
Or the overarching theme of “just not good enough,” compounded by the fear I’m constantly letting others down, despite my best attempts to do otherwise?
How I feel just. plain. off—unlike myself?
Or that things that shouldn’t bother me do; that things that never bothered me are?
I’m wondering if any of this sounds familiar to you?
Do you ever have times in life when you’re just a mixed-up mess?
I have a sneaking suspicion maybe you know what I’m talking about—maybe even a little bit.
Those times in life when things happen that throw you for a loop, distract you, come at you all at once—even things from long ago. Past hurts, old fears. Worries and insecurities. Doubts and wishes.
The things that make you want to think long and hard about where to go next and what to do—yet you can’t put a finger on it—can’t get clear direction.
You can’t make all the thoughts and ideas stop wiggling around long enough to stand still—can’t make them cooperate.
So you just feel paralyzed—petrified amid the confusion.
Am I the only one who forgets all I know to be true at times, allowing the world to get the best of me now and then?
So how can I attempt to encourage you, in the event that you’re also currently living in the Land of Confusion?
What would encourage both of us? What does He want me to write to you—when I’m so overwhelmed and confounded?
no matter who we are, we all have places along the path now and then that aren’t so effortless to navigate. Those forks in the road and those places that morph from an easy-to-follow, well-defined path to a lonely and dusty dirt road that leads us straight into a place that’s dry, barren, uninhabitable. A spiritual desert, perhaps?
you’re not alone if this is a time in your life when everything that has ever happened or not happened, all the wrongs and the hard stuff and the fears from the past, present, and future come crashing into you.
we all find ourselves wandering around, scorched by the fiery darts of the enemy. Times when we feel alone in the hot thick of it, not knowing how long we must stay. And times when the only moisture available comes in the form of our own tears.
it’s okay to show ourselves some grace as we ask for Him to help us rest in Him and to filter our thoughts. Help us to think on things that are true, honest, just, pure…
it is this desert—this very same desert where we find ourselves wandering aimlessly—crawling even—that He will use to create a thirst for Him like never before. Get ready for that.
though we feel alone; He is with us there. Yes, even there.
He will offer the life-saving shade our nearly-charred souls need, by covering us with His mercy and shadowing us with His wings—replacing our drained and dehydrated state of being into one of abundant solace only He provides when we finally surrender.
I don’t have all the answers, nor do I have to—neither do you. But I do know He is able to deliver me from this overwhelm. From this seemingly aimless and arid season. And He is able to see you through it, too.
in the midst of confusion is when we must press into Him all the more. Maybe we even embrace this season of refinement, knowing and trusting that His blessings of clarity and direction will (in His timing) rain down and bring relief–and trusting that it’s part of His miraculous plan.
we’ll cling to His promises in His Word to comfort and guide us through the various seasons of life.
Whether in the valley, the canyon, the desert, on the well-beaten path or making our way to the mountain top—He is with us. In the good times and bad. In the thick and the thin of it.
And so, let’s be encouraged that, though we may find ourselves wandering around in the desert at times, He will not desert us. And He will soon open the floodgates, welcoming us to stand beneath His downpour of merciful blessings that will bathe us in new passion and purpose.
Until then, may we remember that His promise remains true:
He will never leave us; we are not alone.
May this be your prayer and mine:
Thank You for Your mercy and love. I’m so thankful You know the many burdens of my heart and the chaos in my head. The hurts of today and haunts of yesterday. The unfair judgment. The fear of moving forward—of failing. Won’t You comfort my weary heart and ease my worried mind? Help me to continually seek You in this confusing season and to embrace what You’re doing in me–what You want to do through me. Please forgive me for doubting You. Help me to resist the enemy’s attempts to have me believe that You would leave me in this uninhabitable season all alone. May Your Holy Spirit comfort me, strengthen me, and guide me–let me know You are near. Thank You in advance for giving me clarity, for reigniting my passion. Help me to trust You more–no matter the season.
In Christ’s name, I pray. Amen.
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